15 I don’t want to wear dresses to church anymore. I pick out short skirts and high heels. 2 The pastor frowns about it. 3 My father tells me I shouldn’t dress in a way that 4 could make the men in church stumble. I ask if they just 5 shouldn’t lust. My father tells me not to make it an issue. 16 I tell a girl I like her, and we kiss. 2 3 She doesn’t go to church. Her hair is cut short. She wears 4 clothes from the guy section of the thrift store. We tell 5 everyone we’re “just friends.” I let her touch me in ways supposedly reserved for my future husband. 16+ I feel sad as 5 settles on me. I think about not being there anymore. 2 I attack my skin. 3 A therapist comes to my school and asks if there is 4 anything from my past I want to talk about. If anyone ever made me do something I didn’t want to. 5 I say no. 6 She tells my parents I’m depressed. 7 My parents say I need to read my bible more, and that 8 these feelings are my cross to bear. My body is a temple— it’s not okay to desecrate Jesus’ vessel. 17 People from church learn about the sadness. I know I’m not a desirable wife anymore. 2 They say to give my sad thoughts to god. 18- I visit with 5 and his wife. 2 He lives in a different state and is still a devout Baptist. He smiles and runs his hand along my thigh under the table. 3 Two days after returning home, I tell someone about 5 and what he did. 18 The police interview me, and then they talk to 5 too. They request charges to be 昀椀led against him, but it doesn’t 2 go to trial. My family closes ranks. 3 4 They say I need to forgive him. Jesus forgives. 5 They want to know how quickly we can reconcile. 6 Someone suggests all could be forgiven if we hug and look into each other’s eyes. 31 ■ PLAINS PARADOX