that would aid him in reclaiming the bedroom, including having Grandma sleep on the futon instead or bringing the air mattress out of the basement; however, Mom has shown little signs of compromise. Joey is expected to plead for support from Dad once he returns home from work this evening. Uninvited to Toby’s Birthday Party? Speculation grows over whether intention was deliberate Multiple sources have con昀椀rmed that “cool kid” Toby is hosting a birthday party this coming weekend, and Joey has yet to receive an invitation. While some hard- line believers claim Joey could still receive an invite, many are starting to lose faith. This decision comes amid Toby’s election as class president and his crowning as 昀椀eld day champion. Toby is widely accepted among the 昀椀fth grade class as the determinator of popularity, and his approval has been cited as a generalized means of raising socio- political status in the school. Winning Toby’s approval can reportedly gain 昀椀fth graders concessions as hefty as cutting in line and playing tic-tac-toe on Toby’s high-end Apple Watch. Bart, who was invited to Toby’s party, explains, “You know you’re a cool guy if Toby likes you. Now that I got my party invitation, I know I’m one of the guys.” As other reports 昀椀lter in, investigators are scrambling to determine the full list of party invitees. Should Toby’s oversight of Joey’s invitation be con昀椀rmed, it could cement Joey’s status as “uncool” in addition to guaranteeing an afternoon of FOMO. Jake, a spokesperson for Toby, told reporters, “Toby’s mom would only let him pick six friends to play laser tag with him, so after school we made a list of 昀椀ve other people we wanted to invite. Joey probably would’ve been like eighth on the list.” When asked who else outranked Joey, Jake elaborated, “Well, we ranked Billy seventh because he’s pretty cool, but we all saw him pick his nose in class once, which is a little nasty.” Reporters are waiting for Toby to con昀椀rm the truth of Jake’s assertions. PLAINS PARADOX ■ 16