minutes less to take the test than everyone else because he needed to pee.” Mom and Dad have not yet received word of Joey’s test grade, so it is unclear if any action will be taken against him on the home front; however, historical data shows that the parents have been unhappy with any test grade falling below a B, and Joey could face up to a week of grounding if he fails to convince Ms. Williams of a better grade. No Signs of Grandma Leaving Anytime Soon Grandma’s stay extended; Joey displaced from bedroom “inde昀椀nitely” An of昀椀cial statement from Mom this morning indicated that Grandma will extend her stay past the intended two weeks, and Joey must continue to sleep on the futon “for another week.” The futon has been advertised as very comfortable by Joey’s parents and boasts easy access to the living room TV; however, individual polling data shows that Joey was missing his room before Mom made the announcement. Privacy concerns for the living room have also been cited, as Joey has reportedly been unable to sneak candy after 8:00 p.m. or watch TikTok on his phone. While Joey was able to salvage most toys and books from his room before the displacement occurred, he admitted to reporters last Sunday that there were certain items, including his baseball bat and Pokémon cards, that were left behind and have been held hostage since. When asked whether he plans on retrieving them, Joey said, “I mean, it’s pretty awkward.” Separately, chemical experts warn that traces of “old lady perfume” have already been identi昀椀ed on Joey’s clothes and that the extension of Grandma’s stay may concentrate these scents so that they are noticeable to peers. Additionally, Joey has been exclusively spending time at Bart and Jacob’s houses after school to play video games, and yet has not invited them over to his house in the span of two weeks. Investigators suspect Grandma’s arrival is to blame. Multiple negotiations have been introduced by Joey 15 ■ PLAINS PARADOX