“Fucking werewolves—” Defeated by my last couple dates, I almost left, but needing to make sure my ego didn’t feel totally broken, I decided to continue to sit through what was slowly becoming my own personal hell. A massive green-skinned individual sat in front of me and, even while lounging, seemed to tower over me. Seeming disgruntled, he began to scream, “Fire! Fire bad!” He pointed towards the small table candle lit at the center of the table. I quickly snuffed out the 昀氀ame, hoping not to start a full-scale panic. “Thank you.” His courteous reply gave me pause. I knew him, not directly of course, but I’d seen his movies, several of them. I even think he was married in one of them, but the question was, where did the stories meet the monster? I was curious to 昀椀nd the line. “I thought you were married. What happened?” “Oh, yeah. That didn’t work out. She said I was too wrapped up in my own vengeance, and I couldn’t listen. Apparently, I was a bad conversationalist, only grunted when she asked questions. What about her? A little hair dye could 昀椀x so much!” I think he realized he was ranting. So, the movies were true, at least to a point. I wondered if he ever got a producer’s credit. “That’s ok,” I mused, trying to keep the conversation light. “Most people can have a full life after divorce. What do you do for fun?” That seemed to stir something in him. “Nothing anymore! Used to live in a mansion, now I’m in a dirty one bedroom, and she never lets me live that down! Only the best for my better half! Had to go chase after a musician, saying she needed to travel and see the world. I was just holding her back.” As he put his head in his hands, I heard soft whimpers. To be fair, this wasn’t the worst date I’d had that evening. Letting Frank have his moment, I scanned the room to look at anything else. I noticed the woman sitting next to me, a full snake creature with human arms, seemed to be 昀椀dgeting with her hair, which was all pulled tightly back, and the ends of her hair 63 ■ PLAINS PARADOX