After all, a strong movement cannot be built without consolidation.3 Before you participate in any of the activities listed below, it is of utmost importance that you know how to properly acquire, disinfect, dismantle, and store a human carcass. We recommend first timers watch this video. For more information, please utilize the Help tab or give us a call at: 1-202-555-0180. Finding a Use for the Skeleton in Your Closet This section is dedicated to handy, everyday uses involving the bedrock of the body: bones! • Cranium: Skulls can make excellent soup or cereal bowls, so long as you plug up the orbitals with putty. These look particularly great at Halloween parties. • Carved mandible: This bone works as an accompanying spoon. • Teeth and other small bones: Create dazzling jewelry or fun fridge magnets for kids if attached to a magnetic strip. • Ribcage: When properly modified, makes for an aesthetic plant pot or laundry basket cover. • Other creative ideas: Going for a climb or in need of a walking aid? Why not try coupling together a humerus, femur, and tibia for a sturdy hiking stick or walking cane? Short of a paperweight? A pair of kneecaps will surely do. For the musically inclined, check out our Instrument section to see how you can make a harp from a pair of hips and strung hair. As a final tip, phalanxes (the tip of your finger for laymen) can be carved to a point and used as toothpicks in a pinch; great for removing bits of glazed liver or fried tendons. Speaking of— Recipes: Eat Your Heart Out The Cannibal Cookbook’s founders, the AAA, have long considered human meat to be the superior substitute to animal products. We believe that industrial farming practices have never been more inhumane, pollutive, and wasteful than they are now. However, it’s also never been easier to boycott the meat industry with a simple diet switch. Recent peer-review studies have discovered that cannibalistic consumption is notable for its increased health benefits, anti-aging properties, and immunity-boosting capabilities.4 3 Failure to comply with our policy will result in a cease and desist. 4 Citation needed 3 PLAINS paradox