“How old are you?” I asked. “About 3500 years old, give or take a decade.” “So, when you mean ‘the temple,’ that’s not some new venue. You literally mean the temples of…” I paused to try not to speak out of ignorance. “I’m going to guess the Egyptian Temples.” “Now you get it!” He perked up. “You know, I used to be in love,” he sighed. “She was beautiful and royalty, but she wore too much makeup. I think she married her father.” “Oh, that’s interesting,” I said, but nothing about the statement was; I could go back to the States if I wanted to deal with men dating in their 3500s who were dealing with “long-lost loves.” “The beauty of this meeting between us,” he tried to grab my hands, but I pulled them back, “you could be my new Anaksoonamun. Whad’ya, say?” “Uh, hard pass.” I could not wait for that bell to ring. Eventually, that mummy left my sight, and the hunchback in the corner yelled, “This will be the last date.” “Well, this feels like no different from dating at home,” I said under my breath. A tall, devilish-looking, bearded man in a long duster sat down in front of me. “If this is what you’re dealing with at home as well, dating must be tough around the world.” I blushed. “Oh, you heard that? Yeah, I’m new here. Everything feels different but yet the same. I’m Claudia!” “Van, nice to meet you.” He put his hand out, and for the 昀椀rst time that night, I felt comfortable enough to touch another person. I gave him my hand, but surprisingly, he didn’t 昀氀inch at my deathly cold skin. “They don’t bother you?” “Not at all, I’ve always run hot, so the coldness never bothered me.” I was impressed. It was corny, but his style was working. “What brings you to Transylvania?” “I’m starting up my practice here. I’m a doctor, looking to learn some folk remedies from the area.” And he’s a doctor. I tried to compose myself. “So, if you’re a doctor, what should I call you? Dr. What?” PLAINS PARADOX ■ 66