And it certainly has absolutely nothing to do with love. Please! That’s for dizzy mzungus. all your correspondence looks like. The sole purpose of an Indian wedding is one thing and one thing alone. To show off. Next, the guest list... the birth ground of inter-generational family feuds. You see not It’s not just a wedding you are organizing...it is an experience you are designing. I mean for everybody is invited to every event. Shahrukh Khan’s sake we have Bollywood to live up to to. It is our ethnic duty...our way of An invitation is not a right. saying ‘But do I say.’ It is a privilege. Because Luo funerals aint got nothing on Indian weddings. Five days of events represents five ways to dazzle a captive audience with your imagi- So fasten your bindis, put on your bangles and ensure your sari is securely tucked away native, sophisticated and cultured theme ideas. into your petticoat to avoid any embarrassing predicaments. There is no such thing as ‘too much’. Bollywood Hungama is a must. Arabian Nights is a First things first....A weight loss regime. standard. Afternoon High Tea has garnered favour of late. Kitenge Couture is a new en- I’m not talking about the bride silly. trant to the theme catalog. Black Tie is the perfect opportunity to show off those backless Who’s going to be looking at her anyway? ball gowns. Oscars. Because Hollywood is still cooler than Bollywood. And West is best. I am talking about everyone else. It is imperative that you squeeze into that midriff baring For entertainment, you must have a big Bollywood Act. A bona fide lip syncing, hip swiv- outfit. Those that can afford to (and many who can’t) nip over to India to get their tummy eling, torso thrusting Bollywood actor. snipped. Size zero is sold on a menu the other side of the Indian Ocean. Complete with outfit changes and back up choreographed dancers. Obviously! The next thing you need to know is that an Indian wedding lasts on average five days. Now for the food. The most important part of any Indian wedding. The creme de la You know what that means. creme of the whole debacle. This is where you cannot afford to experiment. The buffet Five themes. table must be groaning under the weight of hundreds of delicacies; Beef Biriyani, Vege- Five colour schemes. Five dresses. table Biriyani, Chicken Biriyani, Goat Biriyani, Hyderabadi Biriyani. Five menus. Five locations. Why choose when you can serve them all! Five bands. Rotlis, Naans, Papadaums, Dhosas, Idlis, Parathas. Five times the chaos. Five time the stress. Five times the drama. Why choose when you can serve them all! And you thought you had it bad? Potato Curry, Cauliflower Curry, Eggplant Curry, Ladyfingers Curry. Why choose when Of course it would be unthinkable to have all the events in the same location. you can serve them all! You need a garden venue for the peacocks you rented to strut in. Ras Malai, Gulab Jamun, Kheer, Shrikand, Laddoos. An indoor venue to accentuate the sparkle of the 10kg wedding sari made of Parisian lace Why choose...ok you get the picture. and embroidered with thousands of Swarovski crystals hand sewn. You see the thing is, if the menu does not have enough variety, Michael Jackson himself And a helipad. could be moonwalking across the dance floor, but the only thing that people will have to You hardly expect the bride to walk to the aisle do you? say about the wedding is the food was bakwas. Now for the wedding cards. And after all...what people say is the whole point of the wedding in the first place. Or should we say merchandise. This is not a wedding. It is a brand. And every component must reflect the brand. The trend de jour is to have a chocolatier curate a bespoke tray of Belgian truffles and slip the wed- ding cards inside the box. It should appear effortless, nonchalant, casual. Like this is what 50nd3k4 312 50nd3k4 313 50nd3k4 312 50nd3k4 313