B O O K S Christian actor Zachary Levi says cametohead. “Alotofdarknessanddepression Faith helped him thatensuedfromthat,”hesaidofthe divorce. overcomesuicidal “Hollywoodisnotexactlythemost loving,kind,safeplaceforpeople's thoughts, forgive heartsandmindsandsouls,"headded. "Andsothere'salotoftraumaand abusivemom abusethatIsuffered,evenatthehands ofalotofmyemployersandalotofjust BYLEAHMARIEANNKLETT thesystemthatisHollywood.And again,Ididn'trecognizeitastrauma;I justthought,well,thesearestruggles, otheoutsideworld,Zachary been‘othercare,’I'vealwaysbeen andyoukindofworkedthroughthem. Leviisthedefinitionof tryingtosavetheworldandtakecareof LittledidIknowthatallofthatwas success:AHollywoodactor otherpeople.Andthat'sgivenme feedingintothesametraumathatI T andsinger,hereceived purposeandmeaning;neverreally experiencedasachildandIwasjust criticalacclaimasChuck knowinghowtospendtowithmyself, relivingalotofthatpainoverandover BartowskiontheNBCdrama"Chuck" bymyself.” andoveragain.” andevenplayedasuperherointheDC ForLevi,whocandidlydocuments ForLevi,anoutspokenChristian, andMarvelUniverses. hisstoryinhisnewmemoir,Radical learningtolovehimselfcamefrom Butdespitehisseeminglyfairytale Love:LearningtoAcceptYourselfand seeinghimselfasGodseeshim: life, the41-year-old“American Others,hisstrugglesstartedasfar Fearfullyandwonderfullymade, Underdog”actoristhefirsttoopenup backashecanremember.Asa abouthispaststruggleswith child,hewaspsychologically depressionandanxiety,strugglesso abusedbyhismother,herselfa severetheyledhimtocontemplate victimofunrecognizedabuse, suicide. andlater,byhisstepfather. “WhenIwas37,aboutfiveyears Generationaltrauma,the ago,Ihadacompletebreakdown,”Levi actorsaid,isboth“scientific toldTheChristianPost.“AndI andbiblical.” basicallycametotheplacewhereI “Asayoungboy,withthis didn'twanttoliveanymore.AndIwas bigheart,whojustwantedto reallyvery,veryluckythatoneofmy goandlovepeople,itwasa sisterstookituponherselftogoand verydetrimentalenvironment searchtheinternetforaplacethatI togrowupin,”herecalled. mightbeabletogoandseeksome “AndwhatIlearnedwashow reallydeephealing.Iwenttothisthree toconstantlyrunfromthepain weeksofveryintensive,life-changing thatIwassuffering life-savingtherapy,thatgotmebackon constantly.Goandrunaway myfeet.Andsimultaneously,becauseI fromtheabusivenessthatwas wentanddidthatwork,allofasudden, inmyhouseholdthrough thingsinmylifestartedopeningup.” variousaddictions…itall “Ididn'tevenknowreallywhatself- becameveryunresolved, lovewaspriortofiveyearsago,”the unhealedtrauma.” “Shazam”actoradded.“I'monlyfour- Later,hesays,heturnedto and-a-half,fiveyearsintomyself-love sex,drugsandalcoholtocope journey.I'maninfantwhenitcomesto withhispain.Butitwasn’t figuringouthowtolovemyselfand untilhis2015divorcefrom self-care.That'sanotherthingthatI've actressMissyPeregrym,he neverreallyunderstood;I'vealways said,thathisinnerturmoil ▲ Amazon 46 VOLIII AUG2022